Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Too Much.

This week, no, these last few weeks - MAN! Have been something like a roller coaster of emotions. I fell apart. If not for the awful news transpiring from Missouri, I was grounded - after a solid year with no issues - with an MS relapse. Meaning, the 5k race I registered and was preparing for is probably not going to happen. Add on family drama, which lead me to taking a break on familial relationships, indefinitely.

A mess.

All of it.

As I laid up on my couch today, thanks to FMLA... I wondered, how could I improve any and everything that was troubling me? I donated until my heart turned blue, I cried, I Tweeted, ReTweeted, I cried some more, I took MS shots. And I ordered food delivery, after delivery. It was the only thing I had control over. And it made me feel "good." The only enjoyable part of being in this whirlwind of f*ckery.

Then I had to wake up.

Everything isn't always going to be right. It's not going to be easy, but it's imperative that I take care of ME. I can't be of any help to anyone or start to really tackle the root of my issues - if I'm not taking care of myself. Physically or mentally. I can no longer pacify my stress and worry with food or self-pity. It does nothing. But, I knew that. Today, I just happened to call myself out.

So, tonight, I still can't walk without assistance... my family situation is no better... and all I have are prayers to send to Missouri - but despite it all, I want to maintain ME.

My goal is simple for the remainder of the week; breathe, eat well, do what I can and continue to pray.