Sunday, August 31, 2014

Vlog: Saturday Night Stroll

Before an awesome night out with the hubs, there was a treacherous 2 miles... Yes, I sad treacherous.

Friday, August 22, 2014

Are you my Health Coach or Parole Officer?

The fact that you can get a dance fitness, ministry ordainment, life coach and dog psychiatry certificate overnight, is interesting. No shade (but, shade), Sparky deserves so much better. I've grown quite numb, rarely perking up when someone tells me they are certified in (name specification offered by a fly-by-night and/or overpriced MLM company - that doesn't even fit their outward lifestyle, whatsoever). 

I do not wish to spend money on advice and up sold 3rd and 4th-party products - from someone whose car is always in the shop and lives with 6 roommates. Not discounting all who chose this education and counseling route, or tout reputable givers of certificates - but if you have 6 roommates... I am talking about you.

Needless to say, I never saw myself becoming anybody's coaching "client," ever. Until... last week.

Now, before you call me a hypocrite - I must elaborate... it was basically court work-ordered! After the passing of the PPACA (Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act), our terms of private insurance got extremely stringent. My company - a Fortune 100 - is not playing any games. If you or your spouse is enrolled in the insurance plans provided, you all must take a health assessment. Depending where you rate, you may have to work with an outsourced health coach. Otherwise, you will be subject to hundreds more in annual premiums. They remind us that it is not mandatory - but, your girl ain't payin' the five.



After undergoing routine blood work and a standard physical - I was given the non-BREAKING news; I am overweight. If your assessment comes back with any triggers - you are put on a list. A list of people who must comply with demands - if you ever want to see your beloved, low premiums, again! And by demands, cue health coach.

Thursday, 5:31 PM EST: Call from unknown # (don't answer, leave a message.)

Thursday, 6:31 PM EST: Call from same, unknown # (reverse look up, I know who this is! Ignore.)

Thursday, 7:01 PM EST: Call from same, unknown, non-bill collecting # (so why are you jocking me #? I answer.)
Me: Hello? (If I keep it short, they have to follow suit, right?)
PO: Hi, is this Paula?
Me: Yes. (short, keep it short)
PO: I'm ***, and I represent ***. I am a registered dietitian and personal trainer. I received your contact information to talk to you about how we can help you reach your wellness goals.
Me: (I am missing Family Feud. But, her credentials seem promising. TV muted.)
Me: Okay.
PO: Well, our records indicate (rehashes all of the red flags, and red pen marks that my assessment reveals). Would you mind giving me a quick rundown of your average day? How long do you sleep? When do you eat breakfast, do you eat breakfast? What's for lunch and dinner? Do you participate in physical activities? Etc., etc..
Me: Umm. (reluctantly shares, mentioned something about a salad - one day this week)
PO: (no immediate response) I'm sorry, I was eating a grape.
Me: (no response)
PO: Well... (begins to critique everything that I shared. I was impressed, she got points for being a great listener.)
Me: Duly noted.
PO: I'm going to send you a diet and fitness plan, that may help you get started.
Me: Awesome. (my defenses are lowered, slightly.)
PO: Let's make this a date. How about we chat once a week?
Me: Sounds great. (you know that I do not have a choice!) Thank you.
Following Thursday, 5:31 PM EST (answered on first ring.)
PO: Heeeeyyy, Paula!
Me: (this is happening. just, let it happen.)

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Too Much.

This week, no, these last few weeks - MAN! Have been something like a roller coaster of emotions. I fell apart. If not for the awful news transpiring from Missouri, I was grounded - after a solid year with no issues - with an MS relapse. Meaning, the 5k race I registered and was preparing for is probably not going to happen. Add on family drama, which lead me to taking a break on familial relationships, indefinitely.

A mess.

All of it.

As I laid up on my couch today, thanks to FMLA... I wondered, how could I improve any and everything that was troubling me? I donated until my heart turned blue, I cried, I Tweeted, ReTweeted, I cried some more, I took MS shots. And I ordered food delivery, after delivery. It was the only thing I had control over. And it made me feel "good." The only enjoyable part of being in this whirlwind of f*ckery.

Then I had to wake up.

Everything isn't always going to be right. It's not going to be easy, but it's imperative that I take care of ME. I can't be of any help to anyone or start to really tackle the root of my issues - if I'm not taking care of myself. Physically or mentally. I can no longer pacify my stress and worry with food or self-pity. It does nothing. But, I knew that. Today, I just happened to call myself out.

So, tonight, I still can't walk without assistance... my family situation is no better... and all I have are prayers to send to Missouri - but despite it all, I want to maintain ME.

My goal is simple for the remainder of the week; breathe, eat well, do what I can and continue to pray.