Maintaining. Meh.

Sunday, December 22, 2013
In true Paula fashion, when I lose weight, I lose some focus. For others, it's the opposite, right? You're supercharged and looking forward to that next loss. Nah. "Not I," said the cat.

When I see 20+ pounds lost, in my mind, I know what I'm doing. Now, I can move on to putting out THIS fire, or managing THAT other catastrophe. Like, KNOWING that I know what to do to lose weight, at some point feels like enough.

Plus, I suck at multi-tasking. I prefer to focus on 1 thing, from start to finish. Doing too much, in my case, can lend to confusion, inferior quality and the desire to pull out my afro. It's not how I work, optimally. In a perfect world, I could just drop everything I am doing and am responsible for and go to the Biggest Loser ranch. I'd be a beast at this weight thing, if I didn't have to <<insert life stuff>>. But, that's not reality and I need to face that. I have a plan of setting more structure in my life, so that absolutely no matter what comes up - come hell or high water - I have set a standard for my wellness living. Dare I say, adopting a lifestyle? *clutches pearls*

So, I am maintaining weight (202-204 range). I have not significantly gained, nor lost in these last few weeks. I am especially excited about the not gaining part, though. This is because, with that same, 'I know what to do' mentality... in the past, it validated my pass to binge, stop working out completely, etc.. You know, 'cause I could always bounce back. Yeah. We see where that got me.

One thing that I am kind of glad about, is just recognizing these things. Not saving face, but being transparent in my thinking and challenge areas. And as of now, getting the courage to say yes, I make excuses. These reasons for my shortfalls appear valid; the stress, the multi-tasking ineptness, to me of course.  However, my excuses have become my standard. And as I'm typing this, I realize I need to step my game up and correct that. As I end this year, I will begin to challenge MY challenges. Create a new standard. Cease excuses. And start to get out of my own way.